Thug in Me by Karen Williams

Author:Karen Williams [Williams, Karen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, African American, General, Urban
ISBN: 9781599832050
Google: Cun4fe6AgMkC
Amazon: 1601624433
Publisher: Urban Books
Published: 2011-04-01T10:31:27+00:00

Chapter 20

It wasn’t no week that I was in there. It was more like a month. That was the warden’s language, I was told. A day to him was really a week. A week was a month. I hated to hear what a month to him was. I heard that shit was illegal, but what power did I have to do something about it? And it wasn’t the only illegal shit they did, so shit, whatever.

Sitting in that absurdly small-ass room, sometimes I could swear I could see my mama’s face like she was sitting next to me. That shit made me feel like I was going crazy. Then I had dreams about Tyson. His dead body, the image of the knife slicing his neck. I saw it all day long. Sometimes I dreamed about my own dead body. That the skinhead had killed me before I got a chance to kill him. These dreams always had me waking up screaming and sweating like a slave. I would beat on the door repeatedly but nobody ever came. They wouldn’t even let me out for my hour of rec.

I wish I had some of Deyja’s letters. They seemed to make me feel better about the shit I was going through. But I wasn’t allowed to have shit in there. And I know this shit may sound crazy, but I would sit in those four corners and pretend I was talking to her. It was the only way to avoid thinking of where I really was and that I was alone. I created a fake image of her in my head. And when I jacked off, I no longer thought of Toi, I thought of Deyja, a woman I had never seen before.

When they decided to release me and some other inmates that were on lockdown, I was pulled out, given a shower and a clean set of clothes. I was surprised to see Lewis there to escort me since he worked with inmates that were on suicide watch. But he told me he was filling in for a staff that called off.

“What’s up, Chance?” He handed me my mail.

It was a letter from Deyja.

“Thanks. This is just what I needed.”

I tore the letter open as we walked back to our cells.

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